I have spent over half my life trying to escape from reality, by whatever means. Drugs, Alcohol, Sex, Extreme activities… whatever I could do to escape the pain of normal life and also my feelings, I would do. After pulling through the cataclysm of my life last year I thought that nothing else bad could possibly happen to me, in my eyes I’d been through pretty much all one person could take. I had gained a little strength and a little hope, only to then be on the receiving end of a seriously violent relationship. The incidents that happened were so severe that I wondered how I was ever going to cope or get over it. This time, however, albeit after about a month of trying to hide and escape, I decided that rather than try to escape my reality, I was going to try to face it. I started taking small, tiny, steps to reduce my alcohol intake and avoided going down the slippery path of the white powder. I began putting little things in place to prepare myself for a major turn in my life.
Those little steps turned into giant strides about a week ago, in which I made the decision to stop smoking, eat healthy and dramatically reduce my alcohol intake. I’ve recorded this on another blog www.sobrietydiary.com.
Over the past week, I have actually found it easier to cope when hit with flash backs and pain, I have been stronger and more understanding of myself and have overcome the moments faster. On top of this, my house is spotless, the laundry is up to date, I am well organised, I haven’t shouted at the kids in about a week, I’ve been more productive, and more importantly I’ve started to enjoy the world around me.
Trying to escape from reality doesn’t make it go away, the issues will always be there when you come back down to earth and they are normally ten times worse. Alcohol and drugs take the edge off the pain but we all know that painkillers don’t heal wounds, they make you more likely to sustain further injury for trying to function when something is broken.
I never thought I would hear myself say this, but pain isn’t such a scary thing, neither are negative emotions. With a little bit of work and some self belief, both can be overcome and happiness restored.
Reality isn’t such a bad place after all. I think I might stay here now.