…No it definitely isn’t pre moon tension, there is absolutely no mistaking the fact that what I have been suffering from (and so has everyone within a 50 yard radius, indirectly) for the past 10 days is pre-menstrual tension. The reason I used the analogy of pre moon tension is this:
Once a month, just as a werewolf turns from a human to a wolf on a full moon, I turn from a (almost) perfectly functioning, caring, lively female, into a crazed, psychotic, emotional, angry, panicky, anxious, hopeless, clumsy, brainless, narcoleptic-insomniac (honestly…go figure!), with a totally insatiable appetite and an inability to interact on a normal, socially acceptable level, with practically anyone!
And so, in the same way that the stereotypical ‘good werewolf’ knows that on every full moon he must lock himself away, shackled and chained in a bunker/cellar/other solid and safe room, in order to protect society from the dangerous and uncontrollable evil from within him, when he transforms into his supernatural counterpart; I am beginning to feel that for at least a week out of every month I should do exactly as the ‘good werewolf’ does; totally incarcerate myself, in order to protect both my loved ones and general society, from the evil, horrible, dangerous monster that I become.
I write this about myself with a semi-humorous tone, but the reality of the situation is that this condition really does interfere with my daily life, for at least a week out of every single month.
Relationships become impossible, to the point that after the rage and disagreements, I completely lose all interest in my boyfriend. If he dares to speak anything other than whatever it is I want or expect to hear, which generally is anything at all other than what he says, then I simply shut him out. He can’t say the right thing no matter what, every word that comes out of his mouth irritates me and I simply don’t care. Except I do; deep inside I am full of self-hatred and self-loathing towards the nastiness that escapes me, beyond my control. It has become a regular cycle, for me to finish with my partner/s (current and past), once a month, because they do not meet my irrational and unreasonable expectations.
My kids irritate the hell out of me. Whereas normally I will tolerate their normal, adolescent back-chat, loud hyperactive bouncy behaviour and incessant demands for my attention; I just can’t cope when I have PMT. My temper is short and I snap at them without thinking, and often I swear uncontrollably, I know I shouldn’t speak that language in front of them, yet I have no control. Pre Menstrual Tourette’s?
For the past 10 days ( I came on 3 days late), I have spent 70% of my life, sleeping! On the verge of narcolepsy, my fatigue sweeping over me and taking me unconscious within moments of hitting ‘the wall’. However, at night I am unable to fall asleep without the aid of 2-3 times the normal amount of sleep aid. Hence my reference to narcoleptic-insomniac. This insomnia can also lead to panic attacks as my mind-chatter, also possessed by the PMT monster, says crazy things to me, brings up past memories that I wish to repress, and offers me frightful visions of a dark and bleak future.
I worry about EVERYTHING! I worry anyway, but seriously, when I have PMT every tiny little thing worries me and every situation I am in has the worst possible forseeable outcome, in my mind. For example: I was the only mother who waited and waved the coach off this morning as my daughter went on her first school trip. Being the only mother doing so, my mind then told me that fate was playing a part in this, and that I was waving her off because, like in some horrible tv drama, this was going to be the last time I saw her. Another example: Overtaking a lorry on the motorway. On a normal day, I would worry about the pull that happens as the car passes the lorry and the wind catches slightly. On a PMT day, I imagine the lorry swerves into me, sending my car into the central reservation, where it then spins back onto the motorway into oncoming traffic, causing a 20 car pile-up and a very horrific death for me. My kids are informed of the tragedy and 200 people attend my funeral, dressed in my favourite colour; pink.
The Andrex puppy makes me cry.
I become unreasonable. Example: On a normal day, when collecting my mail from the sorting office, I totally understand that if I’ve forgotten my collection card, that rather than even attempting to collect my post, because it is the Royal Mail staff duty to protect our post and not hand it over without ID, I would have to go home and get my card. On a PMT day, I disregard this concept, walk into the sorting office reception, explain that I haven’t got my card but since they recognise me they can give it to me anyway and then proceed to curse them and storm out, when they refuse to do so. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to the female member of staff, whom I criticised for being useless and ridiculous.
I can’t concentrate and most words over 5 characters, do not make sense to me at all. Does that word even exist? etc. etc.
I could go on about this for hours, but now that my period has finally arrived, I realise that going over and over it, is wasting precious ‘calm hours’ that are better spent catching up on everything that didn’t get done over the past 10 days. It isn’t a funny thing to live with, it is debilitating, unbearable and life altering. I wonder if the myth of the werewolf, actually originated from an ancient tale about the woman who ‘turned’ (into a monster) once a month.
There is no cure, except for menopause, I assume. And that is a whole other issue/fear that I don’t even want to think about!